tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post4402477268289902439..comments2024-03-24T03:19:18.249-04:00Comments on An English Major's Money: On ExcessEnglish Majorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00276582833751319518noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-64552967430852703562007-10-15T21:10:00.000-04:002007-10-15T21:10:00.000-04:00That sounds insane and excessive for a celebration...That sounds insane and excessive for a celebration like that! I wonder what impressions the kids are getting about their parents and money when they throw huge celebrations.<BR/><BR/>The WSJ back in April (around Easter) had an article about how some parents were even throwing bar/bat mitzvah's all the way in the Carribean! Talk about extravagant!Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12104373921737620949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-30318459947211229642007-10-15T12:35:00.000-04:002007-10-15T12:35:00.000-04:00little miss moneybags, I hope you didn't take my p...<B>little miss moneybags</B>, I hope you didn't take my phrasing as condescending! It certainly wasn't meant to be; I actually thought all of the crowd-riling by the dancers in question was well done, and a couple of them in particular were really <I>great</I> dancers.<BR/><BR/>As to your experiences...yikes! I went to private school growing up (until I was 12, but I was still invited to a bunch of the parties), and I never went to any bar/bat mitzvahs like that!<BR/><BR/><B>Moom</B>, your bar mitzvah sounds very much in line with the traditional celebrations of bar mitzvahs. When K was telling his dad about the party, his dad was talking about how in his day, many weddings were celebrated much the same way as your bar mitzvah, with coffee and cake in someone's home after the ceremony.<BR/><BR/><B>Ms. M&P</B>, according to my other cousin's husband, <I>yes</I>, the families are very competitive about these parties.<BR/><BR/><B>Sistah Ant</B>, you hit the nail on the head--that's what makes me nervous, the idea that maybe these kids grow up thinking that's <I>normal</I>. It's not that I don't think my cousin has tried to tell her son, because she certainly didn't grow up in the circumstances in which she's bringing him up, but I'm not sure how well one can really <I>learn</I> when one lives in as socioeconomically homogeneous a community as he does.English Majorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00276582833751319518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-51816093636004825842007-10-12T12:40:00.000-04:002007-10-12T12:40:00.000-04:00i think that at a certain point even excess can ge...i think that at a certain point even excess can get excessive. maybe that's what happened here. first, keeping up with the joneses kids is a likely factor. also not wanting to deprive your child of the fruits of your labor, either.<BR/><BR/>but every graduation party i've had has been family oriented, intimate, and inexpensive. it's what my parents could afford, and i appreciated it. but i don't think i'm a better person for having had humbler parties, just like i don't think your cousin is somehow bad. tacky, sure. but not bad.<BR/><BR/>what i wonder is, what message is that community in florida putting into these kids about consumption? is their understanding of the excesses of bar and bat mitzvahs balanced with an understanding that excess isn't standard - it's beyond standard? i hope so.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-82929397462242063512007-10-11T19:34:00.000-04:002007-10-11T19:34:00.000-04:00Mine was nothing like a Florida bat mitzvah, appar...Mine was nothing like a Florida bat mitzvah, apparently! But it was still probably two times more expensive than my wedding will probably be (only partly because I'll be the one paying for the wedding).<BR/><BR/>It's all kind of sad, really.A. Marigoldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17250396680228283382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-45254978924561015862007-10-11T19:22:00.000-04:002007-10-11T19:22:00.000-04:00Some PF bloggers have posted recently about how yo...Some PF bloggers have posted recently about how your friends affect your finances. I think this is a classic example. I'm personally taken aback that the party you described is normal for Florida! But you're right, to some extent it's all relative to who you hang out with and where you live. I don't know if there's an absolute line of excess that can be drawn, but it does seem like the bar keeps going higher. I'm sure there are families who get competitive about these parties...Ms. M&Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00956851778885437199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-73907458460027291202007-10-11T19:03:00.000-04:002007-10-11T19:03:00.000-04:00I find it hard to reconcile the excesses at most o...I find it hard to reconcile the excesses at most of these events with the occasion they are celebrating. For a bar/bat mitzvah, how does celebrating so lavishly tie into spirituality? Does a 16 year old need a $100,000 party just to turn 16. For a quincinera, does the dress have to cost more than some wedding dresses? Just my thoughts!Capitalism at its best.Tired of being brokehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02026029030939029254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-78978324300092448682007-10-11T18:52:00.000-04:002007-10-11T18:52:00.000-04:00i find it hard to navigate the private celebration...i find it hard to navigate the private celebration thing morphing into public spectacle of excess. whether its bar/bat mitzvahs, QuinceaƱeras, birthday partys, elementary school graduation parties (!!), or weddings, etc.- to me its borderline obscene. rather than being about the people and traditions involved, it's about the "show", and some things i think just shouldn't be for "show". <BR/><BR/>that said, i also agree with plonkee. i guess whatever floats your boat...<BR/><BR/>festivals seem different to me, since they are a public celebration. i love the campy, fun, over-the-top street festivals!PiggyBankBlueshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06690849714922488666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-63049056937995059562007-10-11T18:42:00.000-04:002007-10-11T18:42:00.000-04:00Within the past year, I've read two articles deali...Within the past year, I've read two articles dealing with the ridiculous excesses being lavished on bar/bat mitzvahs. I'll have to dig them up. <BR/><BR/>While it's unfortunate and downplays the significance of the event, what can we expect? Even subcultures (such as Judaism) within mainstream America have subcumbed to capitalist overindulgences.VixenOnABudgethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09400555302792272638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-21932962278250337652007-10-11T17:42:00.001-04:002007-10-11T17:42:00.001-04:001977, forgot when I was born :)1977, forgot when I was born :)mOOmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03440274434662150925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-29932137308994770372007-10-11T17:42:00.000-04:002007-10-11T17:42:00.000-04:00My barmitzvah party (in England in 1976) consisted...My barmitzvah party (in England in 1976) consisted of a kiddush (small reception with whisky, cake etc) after the service at the synagogue (nominally orthodox but most members would be conservative in the US) and then a meal for about 10 family members at a Jewish restaurant in central London. Certainly, wealthier community members had bigger events but this trend in the US is just crazy.mOOmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03440274434662150925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-33473158834038749532007-10-11T16:28:00.000-04:002007-10-11T16:28:00.000-04:00I am one of those "hired crowd-riling dancers" (I ...I am one of those "hired crowd-riling dancers" (I perform with a belly dance troupe here in NYC) and the party with the gladiators and chariots sounds about like what I've seen. Just the cost to hire <I>my troupe alone</I> would blow my personal party budget out of the water; I can't even comprehend what some of these things must cost. I remember one party that had an entire casino spread with blackjack, poker, craps, and roulette tables with dealers, a video karaoke booth, an arcade room (brought in for the party) and other fun things. Upstairs was a catered, decorated hall more lavish than the fanciest wedding I've been to as a guest (I've seen some amazing ones as a dancer) and there was a Joan Rivers impersonator complete with red carpet. One of my jobs that night was to act like the paparazzi and scream and take pictures of the kids as if they were famous when they arrived. After the party, they all left in four or five party-bus-limo things for a night of driving around Manhattan. <BR/><BR/>I felt really bad for the bar mitzvah boy, as he was clearly quite shy and overwhelmed by all the attention and excess being poured on him. At all of these events, I can't help wondering...if this is just the bat or bar mitzvah....what will the WEDDING be like?Little Miss Moneybagshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15247616592623546010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-15268334554709019512007-10-11T16:02:00.000-04:002007-10-11T16:02:00.000-04:00I don't like the expectations it creates on the ch...I don't like the expectations it creates on the child. It means that they will have to grow up and get really, really well paid jobs in order to fund this sort of thing for their kids (and so on).<BR/><BR/>I would call it tacky too, but I'm also trying to accept that things are different not necessarily worse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-78296312728137089582007-10-11T15:46:00.000-04:002007-10-11T15:46:00.000-04:00Yes, I wasn't very clear, especially given the abb...Yes, I wasn't very clear, especially given the abbreviated quote. Obviously they are celebrating <I>something</I>; what I should have taken the time to write in response to In is that it requires a particular perspective on religion to assert that bar/t miztvahs are celebrating something <I>more</I> than a mere birthday.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-36404280663891706252007-10-11T15:31:00.000-04:002007-10-11T15:31:00.000-04:00s/100/30, I do think bar/bat mitzvahs are celebrat...<B>s/100/30</B>, I do think bar/bat mitzvahs are celebrating something (that was probably clear from the post, though). And I agree that I always assumed that the rabbis found the excess unfortunate--I was taken aback by the way this synagogue catered to it.<BR/><BR/>It's not that I dislike the mere intersection of religion and over-the-top celebration: I can get into things like the Festival of San Gennaio...but for some reason, this feels quite different.English Majorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00276582833751319518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-35095783938385473392007-10-11T15:24:00.000-04:002007-10-11T15:24:00.000-04:00At least bar/bat mitzvahs are celebrating somethin...<I>At least bar/bat mitzvahs are celebrating something,</I><BR/><BR/>Are they? <BR/><BR/>Anyway, I'm really surprised the synagogue would encourage this. I went to a few excessive bar/t mitzvahs as a teen, but they were held in a hotel ballroom; I always assumed the rabbis found the excess unfortunate.<BR/><BR/>Actually, it's the truly insane, over-the-top and tacky consumption fests that I enjoy the most; I can really get into those and have a blast. It's like being at the local Catholic parish's carnival - total campy fun.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37476114.post-22548135911180381912007-10-11T15:15:00.000-04:002007-10-11T15:15:00.000-04:00At least bar/bat mitzvahs are celebrating somethin...At least bar/bat mitzvahs are celebrating something, unlike that horrific/fascinating show on MTV, "My Super Sweet Sixteen," where the parents throw over-the-top parties to celebrate the fact that...their kids are old enough to drive?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com